How to Uber Around Town and Survive to Tell About It

Just got back from visiting Nashville, a fun place to go to. We ubered everywhere because downtown Nashville is not a place you want to drive around.

Did you ever wonder how Uber screens their drivers? I think about it every time I’m riding in an Uber vehicle.

Are you new to the city?  Yes.

Is your vehicle at least 9 years old and filthy?  Yes.

Can you read road signs, Google maps, street addresses?  No.

Are you visually-impaired?  Yes.

Do you either talk incessantly or just grunt when spoken to?  Yes.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE HIRED!

Nothing more entertaining than following the exploits of an Uber driver trying to find your location on your Uber app. Look she just passed us for the 4th time. Now she’s going around the block again.

It’s not easy finding a hotel that only uses 30-foot lettering on its sign.

The driver finally stops a half-mile away and decides this is now the meeting place. You’ve got 5 minutes to get your ass over there before he takes off and dings your account with a $5 charge.

It’s quite an accomplishment to finally hook up with your ride. You climb in and buckle up. As she pulls away, you notice that you’re bouncing around in your seat. It feels like the seat is on a giant spring. You better pray she doesn’t brake suddenly because you and the seat will be flung 25 feet in the air.

You try to sit back and relax because even if the driver has never been to where you are going, they have an app that navigates him to your destination. You glance over to the driver and realize he’s looking down on his phone, which is balancing on his lap, while carooming down the highway at 65 mph. That’s when you volunteer to give directions.

It used to be that there was no need to tip Uber drivers. Now you get an email at the end of the trip soliciting to tip. Drivers have learned that if they are engaging and chatty, they will earn a bigger tip. So, some drivers won’t shut up. By the end of your 17-minute ride, you’ll know about their family history, their work history, the local weather last winter, the best place to buy electronics, who threw up in the backseat last night.

Meanwhile, the phone drops off the driver’s lap. He reaches down to pick it up and the car crashes into a light pole. Thank God, the airbags work. The best part is that the driver is unconscious and has stopped talking.

 

 

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