Every year around this time, writers ask each other what their writing goals are for the coming year. I always have the same response – I got none. Some people think I’m just being contrary. I am sometimes, but not in this instance. Planning doesn’t suit my personality. I never found a plan to be … Continue reading I Don’t Have 2022 Writing Plans and That’s Fine With Me
Twas The Restoration Period Before Christmas…
My annual homage to the holidays and MY NOVEL LOVED MARS HATED THE FOOD.
Twas the restoration period before Christmas, when under the roof,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Poof.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended by hooks on the wall,
In anticipation that visitation from St Nicholas would befall.
The offspring were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of bousou spread danced in their heads.
And Seepa with her dangly bracelets, Bleeker in his cap,
Had just settled their cerebrums for a long Martian nap.
When out in the laneway there arose such a dissonance,
I tripped over the bed to see what was outside the residence.
I stumbled to the entrance though I intended to march,
Threw open the latches and stooped under the arch.
The glow from the lighting on fallen red dust,
Gave lustre to objects corroded by rust.
When to my optical sensory organs should appear an apparition,
A…
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Ever Wonder What Jews Do On Christmas?
Jewish people don’t hate Christmas. We exchange gifts with Christian friends, go to Christmas parties when invited and watch Christmas movies. I know all the Christmas songs and carols.
But that’s as far as it goes for most Jews. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are big voids in my calendar. There’s not much to do.
Some years, Christmas overlaps with the eight-day festival of Hanukkah, but that involves a five-minute ritual of lighting candles on a menorah, which is an eight-branch candelabra.
So, what do we do on Christmas?
While visions of sugar-plums may be dancing in your head, we’re slathering plum sauce on spring rolls. As you carve your turkey, we’ll be passing around the lo mein. Some of you will be leaving milk and cookies for Santa but we’re breaking open our fortune cookies. The rumours are true, Chinese restaurants are packed with Jews on Christmas. In fact…
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The Painful Existence of a Toronto Maple Leaf Fan
When I was a boy, the Toronto Maple Leafs were an important part of my life. I knew every player’s stats, bio and background. When they won the Stanley Cup in 1967, the schools were closed early to attend the victory parade. I was there hours before. It was their 4th Cup in 6 years. … Continue reading The Painful Existence of a Toronto Maple Leaf Fan
How Do You Know When Your Book Is Finished?
At some point, every author has grappled with the question of how to know when you’re done writing your work-in-progress. From obsessing over the last few lines to getting lost in endless revisions, it’s hard to know if the latest draft of your manuscript is final. For example, here are the last few names of … Continue reading How Do You Know When Your Book Is Finished?
Why Writers Need Websites
Many writers spend more time on social media than blogging (including me) and that’s too bad. A website/blog is an opportunity to show off your writing and engage with clients and readers in a way that is often not possible on social media. I sat down and came up with 10 reasons why writers should … Continue reading Why Writers Need Websites
One of My Most Embarrassing Experiences Growing Up
While working on my memoir, this was an experience I recalled. It was my first year of junior high school (middle school) and we had just moved into the area over the summer. I began the school year at Ledbury Park knowing no one. I was awkward and a year younger than the other students … Continue reading One of My Most Embarrassing Experiences Growing Up
Beware of the Vanity Press
This past week I received a publishing offer from a NYC publisher that I had queried in March. I have already signed a publishing deal with another indie publisher, but I was curious and reviewed the offer. It seemed like any other contract I’ve been sent until I got to clause 15. The publisher was … Continue reading Beware of the Vanity Press
Selling Books on a Shoestring Budget
I’ve heard so many authors complain that what they hate the most about the publishing process isn’t querying or editing, it’s marketing. And no wonder. Marketing requires a completely different set of skills and has nothing to do with your ability as an author. If you are an author signed by a large traditional publisher, … Continue reading Selling Books on a Shoestring Budget
Beeker and Seepa v. Jehovah Witness
“Kids!” shouts Seepa. “How many instances have I told you to keep that covered by the tarp?’ Two little reddish Martian kids with tuffs of orange hair scurry from under the tarp and up the stairs of the back porch. “Sorry, mama,” one of the two sheepishly blurts out. “We don’t need our inquisitive Earthling … Continue reading Beeker and Seepa v. Jehovah Witness
Snopes Says I'm A Fake 